I am, happy.

"He knows too much of your past."
But what you don't know is,
He showers me with love albeit this,
Teaches me to move on as he gives me a kiss.

"You're too young to be committed."
But what you don't see is,
The chemistry that sparks between us two,
Our bond so special I'll say I do.

"Cherish your friendship with others instead."
But what you don't comprehend is,
We're the best of friends the two of us,
A pair that strives to come in first.

"Come out of it child, be a free bird."
But what you don't understand is,
I'm contented and safe despite his absence,
I'm contented and safe due to his presence.

Locked

Your dedication awes me,

You are all that I need.

I want you to keep your promise,

Permanence will keep me at ease.

You treat me like a queen,

You I want to keep.

I am holding on tight,

Stay strong and stay mine. 

-

I Love You.

Stay

I'm here without you baby,
But you're still with me in my dreams,
I think about you baby,
And I dream about you all the time.

Changes, Adjustments, Adaptations,
We mold a little at a time,
Testing new routes,
Finding the one that helps you stay mine.

New chapters, New routines, New stories,
We step in together into the next game,
Hand in hand and back to back,
We'll fight the challenges till the very end.

Patience, Trust, Faith,
The utmost amalgam must be saved,
My eggs present or not have been placed,
In your hands baby keep them safe.

Remembrance, Conservation, Appreciation,
Of the abundance of memories that we created,
Too precious, so dear, forever incarnated,
In our hearts they remain the love that we had started.

Remember how I lay on your chest.
Remember how you stroked my back,
Remember how we kissed in your seats,
Remember baby, remember you and me.

I'm not there to hold your hands
And make sure you wash your feet,
But in your heart I'll always be,
Your little bubble of joy I always want to be.

And in the closure of my room,
I'll lay and smile and think of you,
Think of your smile spread on your face,
When you lean in and say "Hey".

Thus dear, with all that has been said,
Stay strong, stay mine, and we will sail,
Into the future we've always yearned,
One that will be a reality that we earned.

Delicacy of Lit Up Stars

I never really realised,
How much I just enjoyed,
Just straining my neck,
As I stood and sighed,
At your glorious beauty,
Left me breathless from the beginning.

Until I sat alone,
In the confinement of my walls,
The sound of your glory,
Echoed through the night,
My heart shed a little tear,
With ever spark that I could hear.

I'll watch in awe how you soar up high,
You leave trails of lighted beauty behind,
The intertwining of your lit up tails,
Left me mesmerized as your beauty prevailed,
I will not miss your dance again,
I'll adore you from below as long as I can.

Bonne Quatre Mois

Like a guardian from above,
You bring a smile from heaven,
Your great white wings flutter behind you,
As you descend carrying a smile.

With all your actions, words and love,
The daily smile you bring,
It becomes mine,
It settles on my face cheerful and nice.

Since our acquaintanceship hit the road,
Daily, life progressed in a thrill mode,
From shot gun, to gobbling food,
Every day was a bliss and it's all thanks to you.

You make me the happiest koala,
I'll always cling on my tree,
My paws recognise only your bark,
And so only with you I will be.

Bonne quatre mois mon amour,
Je te donne mon coeur complètement,
I am now a happier person,
And you baby, you're the one to thank.

Happiness with you is all I desire,
Permanence with you is what I require,
Cheers to all our lives ahead,
We did it once, we'll do it forever :)

Mixed

I can sense a slight unease,
"Can I pull through this?"
"What's the point of it all?"
"Is this how it's supposed to be?"

I can feel your undying efforts,
Coupled with your unwavering eagerness when,
One, you said "I won't let this go",
Two, till this day you still want me near.

At times when you can wait no more,
And even when you wake up at four,
My heart is touched by your love for me,
And also torn to see you struggle for me.

I can't bear it my dear,
The thought of you sleeping without my call,
The thought of you rising so I feel whole,
When all I can do is hope we don't fall.

A man, as outstanding as you,
Going through it all, for me?
My dear, if you feel like bidding adieu,
I can't stop you but oh I hope you don't.

And now this stanza becomes a mess,
My dear, I just love you so much,
Your smile, your laugh, it warms my heart,
Your sorrow, your pain, it stabs me hard,
You're my best friend, I'm in awe of your brain,
Your humour and your wit, you leave me in a daze,
Thinking how on Earth did I stumble upon you,
So smart, so brave yet so loving, I am truly amazed.

My dear, I'm sorry for what I'm putting you through,
I gave you my word and my heart,
Not knowing this was the undiscovered truth,
I still want you to keep my heart safe,
Yet my heart breaks when I see your sleepy face.

My dear, you are such a marvellous figure,
I respect, I adore, You're my greatest desire,
To stay yours and be yours is what I aspire,
You will always be the one I call my lover.

My dear, You are now in the land of dreams,
I'm sorry I was too slow to set your 'miss' free,
You'll govern my thoughts as long as I'm awake,
My dear sweet love, I love you, I'm yours all the way.

Bye

The extremity of my snapping sanity,
The shudder at my haunting stupidity,
The disgust at my lack of rationality,
The desperation to escape reality.

I want to run, run far into the dark,
I want to vanish into an undiscovered path,
I want to slip, and fall from an "accidental" cliff,
I want to hide, just hide from it all.

I despise myself,
For all that I did,
I rather delete and,
Erase my breath,
So all will feel,
Peace, Knowing that,
My face is gone,
So no haunting and daunting,
Their every step.

Pray

I have destroyed myself,
Internally and emotionally,
Half the 18 years of my living,
Filled with the biggest regrets of my life.

So stupidly drawn to things so dangerous,
So stupidly believing that I found true love,
So stupidly gave my all,
To end up with absolutely nothing at all.

The demons inside they call out to me,
Anger, Darkness, Lust and Insanity,
"Come child embrace us all,
Let us consume you till you fall."

Like a fish thrown a bait,
I was easily caught,
And the demons inside me,
Governed my actions and thoughts.

I ruined myself,
Mind, body and soul,
Excruciating regret fills my bones
Fearing I'll never be able to save my soul.

Now I am thrown into an indefinite void,
Where my questions will not meet their worthy answers,
Scared, Terrified and Pettrified at the thought,
Of not being able to hold Baby Koala in my arms.

Once again the waves don't fail me,
They charge and crush my every living being,
Mother once said and she said again,
"Child there is nothing you can do but pray,
Pray and hope you gain."

My Dearest Adieu

You were my dream since I was 13,
I did everything in my 5 years of high school,
In preparation to belong to you.
I fantasized walking your hallways,
Sitting by your pool,
And decorating my purple dorm room.

I pictured my life there,
Surrounded by interesting beings,
That I’d call “my friends”,
While I saw myself improving,
Reaping and unleashing the potential from within,
Achieving and grabbing at my life’s dreams.

I coated the walls of my room with you,
Confident and positive I’d belong to you,
The closer I got to you, you conveniently slip away,
Not once but twice I silently watch as you drift away.

I did everything that I could,
To be able to wear that grey blazer, grey skirt and maroon tie,
Thinking to myself “I finally fucking did it”. Thus it pains me to say,
Maybe we are just not meant to be,
That’s the only reason I can think of,
As you slip further away from me.

This morning,
It tore me to tear you off my walls,
I painfully told myself, “It’s time to move on.”
However you will always remain my biggest chase and my biggest desire,
One that I unfortunately could not acquire.

I will not lie and say it’s easy to let go,
For how can you let go of something you wanted so dearly since 5 years ago?
I can’t believe I’m saying goodbye,
I’ll send my children to you,
Hoping to mend this unhealing wound in my heart that clenches for you,
Till then, farewell I bid adieu to you.

A Duet On Fried Chicken

Sometimes, when the tall trees fade into black silky silhouettes, the calm wind caresses my skin. And when it caresses, it hums a haunting melody. One that echoes around. One that seeps into my senses. One that becomes my salvation. “Fried chicken….friend chicken…..fried chicken…..”

On nights like this, as I contain myself within the four walls of my save zone, I try not to think, hopeless drops drip from my droopy lips. My mouth waters in vain as I reminisce that crispy, tender slice. The piece that warms my heart and sets my senses on fire.The fiesta of flavours ignite and incite my taste buds like a gastronomical fire. The skin, its crunch tantalising my teeth, its oil oozing orgasmically, its sensation, singing a resonating rhythm of perfection.

I’m driven by insanity as I try to fight the excruciating crave. Flashes of the crisp gold skin set my bones on fire. My taste buds yearn for what used to be my every Tuesday meal. Now I sit by myself, in this empty void. For what used to be my joy, begins to consume the little ounce of sanity I have kept, safe- guarded from temptations just like this.

Tunnel Of Vision

The tears they stream down my face,
Happiness and perfection was always my chase,
The feeling of not being enough has always been an ongoing phase,
The light at the end of the tunnel? I hope it’s an oncoming train.

I am never, never ever enough,
I strived, strived hard to make you proud,
I break, break knowing you want me out,
And the light at the end of the tunnel? I hope, hope it’s an oncoming train.

I met someone an amazing soul,
Who opened my eyes to endless roads,
I’ll strive to be your little bubble of joy,
The light at the end of the tunnel? I hope it’s an oncoming train.

I hope someday you’ll notice my worth,
I hope someday you’ll appreciate my birth,
I hope someday you’ll see the reason I smile,
And that light at the end of the tunnel? It’s the joy that glows from within when he’s by my side.

Trapped.

"Don't bottle up your feelings," they said.
"Someone is always there to listen," they said.
"You are not alone," they said.
As much as I know that there are wonderful souls that 'got my back' out there, I find myself a burden, to them. Why should he or she listen to my problems? Why should he or she feel helpless wanting to help me? Why should these great people around me make the extra effort and burden themselves with the weight of my situation?
I know you're there for me. I know you want to listen. But I, do not want to keep bombarding you with my problems. I want you to have your own happiness and I want to bring you that happiness, not helplessness and definitely not hopelessness in your inability to assist me through. Why not just bottle up these emotions, these thoughts? Why should I let these emotions hurt other people the way they hurt me? It's true what they say, you know. Even the happiest people, can be the saddest. Honestly, I just want to be your little bubble of joy. That's what I will mould myself to be :)

Enjoy The Fate

Hours we spend talking on the phone,
Sometimes one, two or heck even past three,
We’d laugh and we’d talk and maybe study just a little,
We would sit there and listen to Coldplay as we settled.

The more time I spent with you,
The more I fell deeply for you,
After all who could deny, such phenomenal soul,
And that my dear is you, just you.

I found avenues to hang out with you,
First it was for tests and then it lead to you being my head rest,
Then one day you held my hand,
And then we became a couple both being tanned.

Three weeks had passed and here we are,
It’s insane how fast we’ve come this far,
Those blissful moments spent in your car,
Laughing about being a “Power Couple” and setting the par.

We moved so fast it was so unexpected,
No one would understand how quickly we escalated,
But darling now I know for sure,
Something as right as this,
Will last a life time just you wait and see.

Embark With Fate

We plopped out together,
On the same day,
In the same month,
Of the same year,
In different lands,
Across the globe.

Eighteen years later,
Till we met,
Discovering what others find to be rare,
Common,
The same birth dates,
12th of January 1999.

And then there was,
A temporary PAUSE,
To what seemed to be,
A gratifying friendship,
Whispers echoed about a little something,
A hint of brewing underlying chemistry.

PLAY it was,
When puppies came along,
Tis the kick start of a glorious friendship,
"He's brilliant" I said and thought to myself,
When I catch my laughing,
At his humorous attempts.

These four stanzas from above,
Describes the beginning of a blooming bond,
There's so much more to say,
About this brilliant boy that I know,
But this is all till this date,
12th of January, my what fate.

Confined

• Have you ever felt like you have too many problems and as much as you want to talk it out, you don't want people to feel pity for you, no matter how close they may be to you. Have you ever felt like the people closest to you have shut the doors to you and you want to scream and shout and kick and just let it out. But you have no shoulder to cry on. And even if you did, you rather not burden them with your petty depressing problems and have them look at you with pity. Have you ever gave up so much so that you are just tired of even trying. And when all has failed you choose not to turn to anyone but instead you pen down your thoughts and frustration into an empty void where you are manipulated to think that someone is listening to you and that you're not alone.