My Dearest Adieu

You were my dream since I was 13,
I did everything in my 5 years of high school,
In preparation to belong to you.
I fantasized walking your hallways,
Sitting by your pool,
And decorating my purple dorm room.

I pictured my life there,
Surrounded by interesting beings,
That I’d call “my friends”,
While I saw myself improving,
Reaping and unleashing the potential from within,
Achieving and grabbing at my life’s dreams.

I coated the walls of my room with you,
Confident and positive I’d belong to you,
The closer I got to you, you conveniently slip away,
Not once but twice I silently watch as you drift away.

I did everything that I could,
To be able to wear that grey blazer, grey skirt and maroon tie,
Thinking to myself “I finally fucking did it”. Thus it pains me to say,
Maybe we are just not meant to be,
That’s the only reason I can think of,
As you slip further away from me.

This morning,
It tore me to tear you off my walls,
I painfully told myself, “It’s time to move on.”
However you will always remain my biggest chase and my biggest desire,
One that I unfortunately could not acquire.

I will not lie and say it’s easy to let go,
For how can you let go of something you wanted so dearly since 5 years ago?
I can’t believe I’m saying goodbye,
I’ll send my children to you,
Hoping to mend this unhealing wound in my heart that clenches for you,
Till then, farewell I bid adieu to you.

A Duet On Fried Chicken

Sometimes, when the tall trees fade into black silky silhouettes, the calm wind caresses my skin. And when it caresses, it hums a haunting melody. One that echoes around. One that seeps into my senses. One that becomes my salvation. “Fried chicken….friend chicken…..fried chicken…..”

On nights like this, as I contain myself within the four walls of my save zone, I try not to think, hopeless drops drip from my droopy lips. My mouth waters in vain as I reminisce that crispy, tender slice. The piece that warms my heart and sets my senses on fire.The fiesta of flavours ignite and incite my taste buds like a gastronomical fire. The skin, its crunch tantalising my teeth, its oil oozing orgasmically, its sensation, singing a resonating rhythm of perfection.

I’m driven by insanity as I try to fight the excruciating crave. Flashes of the crisp gold skin set my bones on fire. My taste buds yearn for what used to be my every Tuesday meal. Now I sit by myself, in this empty void. For what used to be my joy, begins to consume the little ounce of sanity I have kept, safe- guarded from temptations just like this.

Tunnel Of Vision

The tears they stream down my face,
Happiness and perfection was always my chase,
The feeling of not being enough has always been an ongoing phase,
The light at the end of the tunnel? I hope it’s an oncoming train.

I am never, never ever enough,
I strived, strived hard to make you proud,
I break, break knowing you want me out,
And the light at the end of the tunnel? I hope, hope it’s an oncoming train.

I met someone an amazing soul,
Who opened my eyes to endless roads,
I’ll strive to be your little bubble of joy,
The light at the end of the tunnel? I hope it’s an oncoming train.

I hope someday you’ll notice my worth,
I hope someday you’ll appreciate my birth,
I hope someday you’ll see the reason I smile,
And that light at the end of the tunnel? It’s the joy that glows from within when he’s by my side.

Trapped.

"Don't bottle up your feelings," they said.
"Someone is always there to listen," they said.
"You are not alone," they said.
As much as I know that there are wonderful souls that 'got my back' out there, I find myself a burden, to them. Why should he or she listen to my problems? Why should he or she feel helpless wanting to help me? Why should these great people around me make the extra effort and burden themselves with the weight of my situation?
I know you're there for me. I know you want to listen. But I, do not want to keep bombarding you with my problems. I want you to have your own happiness and I want to bring you that happiness, not helplessness and definitely not hopelessness in your inability to assist me through. Why not just bottle up these emotions, these thoughts? Why should I let these emotions hurt other people the way they hurt me? It's true what they say, you know. Even the happiest people, can be the saddest. Honestly, I just want to be your little bubble of joy. That's what I will mould myself to be :)